Didn't feel so good today. Felt really lonely for some reason. It's weird how even when everything is fine and the days of depression are long gone, every now and then there comes a day when something minuscule can drag you back to that place.
I am not scared of that anymore. It's a familiar feeling after all, and I know that it won't last now. It's more like a memory that is coming back vividly and you're kind of reliving it momentarily.
What caused this mood swing today? I'm not sure, although I have a couple of ideas. First of all, today is the second day in a row that the humidity has been really high here. It's not very hot, there have been much hotter days this summer, but the humidity is awful... You feel dirty right after you've stepped out of the shower. I know that definitely works against my trying to keep spirits high.
Then, since yesterday I really wanted to go out but the 2 people I tried calling kinda turned me down and then I didn't really try anyone else for fear of being rejected again. It's very stupid of my part, and I have realized it even before typing this but that's how it is. I wanted to go out and because the first 2 people I called weren't available I sulked and ended up staying in. But no matter how stupid that is and even though I know it is, I just didn't want to call anyone else. It kinda killed my mood I guess. Which, if anyone's, fault, I guess is mine. *contemplates erasing the past paragraph for 2 minutes*
*leaves it as is and continues*
The funny thing is, although days like this one aren't very pleasant (eh, that's the point after all...) I think they are somehow necessary. I guess you appreciate the happier days more this way. After all, would there be a concept of happiness if there wasn't one of sadness? Could you feel the one if the other didn't exist?
Not much else to say, I suppose, I already feel much better. I actually did some craftwork earlier and that really helped too, it took my mind off things. I wanted a box for my room where I'd throw things I couldn't organize at the moment, a "this doesn't belong here" box if you will, so I wouldn't leave them all over the place; and once every few days you empty the box and put everything where it should be. I had that in mind for days but hadn't really searched to buy one yet but today, seeing a bunch of old paperboard binders that I was planning to throw out I got an idea. (The binders were useless anyway, only the covers remained intact, the clamps were gone) So I glued the paperboard together to form a box (fascinating stuff, I know) and had a really ugly looking box. That was before I dressed it with an old t-shirt of mine though. Now it looks pretty cool, if I may say so. And I made it myself so I love it more than anything I would have bought anyway!
Anyway, I'm now feeling more sleepy than depressed (I don't think I really felt depressed today anyway, just a little down) and I guess that's my cue to go to bed. Relevant song first, Sheryl Crow'sMissing (that's what I wanted to post and it's where the title comes from but couldn't find a video) No Depression In Heaven (originally from Carter Family) ladies and gentlemen... I'm out, goodnight, καληνύχτα, buenas noches, おやすみなさい。.
I hear the hearts of men are failing
For these are latter days I know
The Great Depression now is spreading
God's word declared it would be so
I'm going where there's no depression
To the lovely land that's free from care
I'll leave this world of toil and trouble
My home's in Heaven, I'm going there
In that bright land, there'll be no hunger
No orphan children crying for bread
No weeping widows, toil and struggle
No shrouds, no coffins, and no death
This dark hour of midnight nearing
And tribulation time will come
The storm will hurl in midnight fears
And sweep lost millions to their doom
(Dammit! Why did I have to choose a song before checking to see if I could find a video online? Just my luck today, anyway...)
Feeling weak today
Run the risk of tears
Falling down your cheeks
From all the lonely years
Holding back your love
While she races up the hill
Chase what you dream of
But always standing still
All in all you see
Everything is history
Think of all that you've been missing
And every now and then
Shadows bring you back again
To think of all the things you're missing
Lay the pictures out
Pull the curtains down
Don't let us see you breathe
Your happiness you fake
Sending up a flare
If anybody really cares
To talk a little while
The past to reconcile
All in all you see
Everything is history
Think of all the things you're missing
Every now and then
I can almost picture him
Think of all the things
Of all the things
Of all the things
Well I do
I do
Hear the morning creeping in
And the spirit sings again
Well you will
You will
See the beauty in this moment
Every time you're standing still
Time you're standing still
These times are temporary
Someday the wind will carry you home
And you'll be free
And you'll be free
No one will pull you down
You'll wake up and look around
And never again
Think of all, all that you've been missing
Ohh ohh ohh
All that you've been missing
Ohh
All and all you see
Everything is history
Think of all that you've been missing
I am not scared of that anymore. It's a familiar feeling after all, and I know that it won't last now. It's more like a memory that is coming back vividly and you're kind of reliving it momentarily.
 |
| That kinda helps, I guess... Thanks, Batman! |
What caused this mood swing today? I'm not sure, although I have a couple of ideas. First of all, today is the second day in a row that the humidity has been really high here. It's not very hot, there have been much hotter days this summer, but the humidity is awful... You feel dirty right after you've stepped out of the shower. I know that definitely works against my trying to keep spirits high.
Then, since yesterday I really wanted to go out but the 2 people I tried calling kinda turned me down and then I didn't really try anyone else for fear of being rejected again. It's very stupid of my part, and I have realized it even before typing this but that's how it is. I wanted to go out and because the first 2 people I called weren't available I sulked and ended up staying in. But no matter how stupid that is and even though I know it is, I just didn't want to call anyone else. It kinda killed my mood I guess. Which, if anyone's, fault, I guess is mine. *contemplates erasing the past paragraph for 2 minutes*
*leaves it as is and continues*
The funny thing is, although days like this one aren't very pleasant (eh, that's the point after all...) I think they are somehow necessary. I guess you appreciate the happier days more this way. After all, would there be a concept of happiness if there wasn't one of sadness? Could you feel the one if the other didn't exist?
Not much else to say, I suppose, I already feel much better. I actually did some craftwork earlier and that really helped too, it took my mind off things. I wanted a box for my room where I'd throw things I couldn't organize at the moment, a "this doesn't belong here" box if you will, so I wouldn't leave them all over the place; and once every few days you empty the box and put everything where it should be. I had that in mind for days but hadn't really searched to buy one yet but today, seeing a bunch of old paperboard binders that I was planning to throw out I got an idea. (The binders were useless anyway, only the covers remained intact, the clamps were gone) So I glued the paperboard together to form a box (fascinating stuff, I know) and had a really ugly looking box. That was before I dressed it with an old t-shirt of mine though. Now it looks pretty cool, if I may say so. And I made it myself so I love it more than anything I would have bought anyway!
Anyway, I'm now feeling more sleepy than depressed (I don't think I really felt depressed today anyway, just a little down) and I guess that's my cue to go to bed. Relevant song first, Sheryl Crow's
 |
| How do you say "goodnight" in catspeak? Nyansomething? |
I hear the hearts of men are failing
For these are latter days I know
The Great Depression now is spreading
God's word declared it would be so
I'm going where there's no depression
To the lovely land that's free from care
I'll leave this world of toil and trouble
My home's in Heaven, I'm going there
In that bright land, there'll be no hunger
No orphan children crying for bread
No weeping widows, toil and struggle
No shrouds, no coffins, and no death
This dark hour of midnight nearing
And tribulation time will come
The storm will hurl in midnight fears
And sweep lost millions to their doom
Run the risk of tears
Falling down your cheeks
From all the lonely years
Holding back your love
While she races up the hill
Chase what you dream of
But always standing still
Everything is history
Think of all that you've been missing
And every now and then
Shadows bring you back again
To think of all the things you're missing
Pull the curtains down
Don't let us see you breathe
Your happiness you fake
Sending up a flare
If anybody really cares
To talk a little while
The past to reconcile
Everything is history
Think of all the things you're missing
Every now and then
I can almost picture him
Think of all the things
Of all the things
Of all the things
I do
Hear the morning creeping in
And the spirit sings again
Well you will
You will
See the beauty in this moment
Every time you're standing still
Time you're standing still
Someday the wind will carry you home
And you'll be free
And you'll be free
No one will pull you down
You'll wake up and look around
And never again
Ohh ohh ohh
All that you've been missing
Ohh
All and all you see
Everything is history
Think of all that you've been missing
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