What causes people to close up and not talk? Why do people who have so much to say to each other end up saying nothing but a simple "hello", if that?
An easy answer, but also one which is usually true is that it's a defence mechanism. We all have our little own worlds that we live in and often we'll go at lengths to protect the order of this worldview of ours. Other people with different worldviews can clash with our own and that can lead to disappointment, anger, frustration, and a general discomfort. It's not necessarily that we can't support our arguments against theirs or that it really matters what someone else thinks. But being in a constant state of arguing with each other because we have different opinions on some subjects isn't pleasant at all. So it's sometimes easier to just say nothing.
Even with people close to you, people who you'd want to have open and honest relationships with, it's not always achievable. Of course, in this case, with people you value more than others, you also care about what they think and their opinions so it's harder when they disagree with yours. Even on a small level, you kind of seek their approval so it hurts when you get shut down instead.
But even when you don't really care what the other person thinks, and you don't need to agree on everything, it's taxing to share things important you only to have them criticised and belittled. There are people who constantly nag and can't find good in anything. You might not give a damn about their opinion, but it's not pleasing to hear it anyway because it can bring you down and ruin your otherwise good mood.
So it's easier to withhold everything important to you and only speak when it's needed, for trivial matters only. What's not easy is that you end up so withdrawn at some point that you don't want to talk to anyone. Or you do but there's nobody you trust to talk to.
I guess there are alternatives, of course. You can keep sharing yours and "fighting" opposing worldviews. You can grow a thicker skin so that you can simply dismiss others' opinions without them affecting you in any way. Somehow. If anyone's got tips about achieving this last part, please tell me!
And maybe you can brush it aside with a joke and play it for laughs or something. For example, my brother keeps telling me to be careful when I go out because "it's dangerous and crime rates are rising" or who knows what else (I admit I've started not to pay attention) because he gets too worried. It's supposed to be caring, I know that, but to me it provides nothing. If you're gonna tell me to avoid a certain street because there's something going on there right now, feel free, but telling me to "watch out! everyone's out to get you!" everytime you see me go out isn't helping at all. What it usually accomplished, the couple of times when I took it to heart was to make me ultra-suspicious and scared when I was out, constantly checking to see if anyone's following me, and plainly ruined my walk each time. I've told him many times to stop worrying so much, and that I do know how to take care of myself and be careful, I've even told him that his excessive worrying pisses me off but nothing changes. I don't know, maybe next time he tells me to be careful I'll just smile and say "don't worry, I've got it, I'll take my katana with me! ;)" or something.
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| Yeah, this isn't gonna be a very happy post. |
An easy answer, but also one which is usually true is that it's a defence mechanism. We all have our little own worlds that we live in and often we'll go at lengths to protect the order of this worldview of ours. Other people with different worldviews can clash with our own and that can lead to disappointment, anger, frustration, and a general discomfort. It's not necessarily that we can't support our arguments against theirs or that it really matters what someone else thinks. But being in a constant state of arguing with each other because we have different opinions on some subjects isn't pleasant at all. So it's sometimes easier to just say nothing.
Even with people close to you, people who you'd want to have open and honest relationships with, it's not always achievable. Of course, in this case, with people you value more than others, you also care about what they think and their opinions so it's harder when they disagree with yours. Even on a small level, you kind of seek their approval so it hurts when you get shut down instead.
But even when you don't really care what the other person thinks, and you don't need to agree on everything, it's taxing to share things important you only to have them criticised and belittled. There are people who constantly nag and can't find good in anything. You might not give a damn about their opinion, but it's not pleasing to hear it anyway because it can bring you down and ruin your otherwise good mood.
So it's easier to withhold everything important to you and only speak when it's needed, for trivial matters only. What's not easy is that you end up so withdrawn at some point that you don't want to talk to anyone. Or you do but there's nobody you trust to talk to.
I guess there are alternatives, of course. You can keep sharing yours and "fighting" opposing worldviews. You can grow a thicker skin so that you can simply dismiss others' opinions without them affecting you in any way. Somehow. If anyone's got tips about achieving this last part, please tell me!
And maybe you can brush it aside with a joke and play it for laughs or something. For example, my brother keeps telling me to be careful when I go out because "it's dangerous and crime rates are rising" or who knows what else (I admit I've started not to pay attention) because he gets too worried. It's supposed to be caring, I know that, but to me it provides nothing. If you're gonna tell me to avoid a certain street because there's something going on there right now, feel free, but telling me to "watch out! everyone's out to get you!" everytime you see me go out isn't helping at all. What it usually accomplished, the couple of times when I took it to heart was to make me ultra-suspicious and scared when I was out, constantly checking to see if anyone's following me, and plainly ruined my walk each time. I've told him many times to stop worrying so much, and that I do know how to take care of myself and be careful, I've even told him that his excessive worrying pisses me off but nothing changes. I don't know, maybe next time he tells me to be careful I'll just smile and say "don't worry, I've got it, I'll take my katana with me! ;)" or something.
I don't know if my computer is losing its electronic mind or what, but I found your post on the song "500 miles" by Hedy West and had it pulled up on my iPhone. Later I tried to pull it up on my comptuer - in IE and Chrome - using the same link and nothing comes up. What's up with that? A problem with blogspot, a problem with my computer, did you remove that posting? Very odd.
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